I should be holding my baby

I lost the 7th in September of this year....I will not loose another!

I have been remiss on my blog..... airing out my hopes, dreams and failures just seemed....painful. It was much better to make self deprecating jokes about my lady parts....and begrudge the belly loveliness that so many women around me had. But something miraculous happened recently! I decided to grow up! Now this does not prevent me from playing in Toys R Us...rollerskating in my house, or just plain old acting like a 2 year old. But it did give me freedom from my angst. This also enables me to actually learn something about all of this.

1. No it isnt fair
2. It is not a right to have a baby
3. Birth is not guaranteed
4. I have no control over this
5. Its ok
6. Joking about strangling yourself with your fallopian tubes may be in good fun,... but gives the wrong opinion
7. Some things will never have an answer
8. Where I had a hope for heaven....I now long for it one day....it is then I will finally see 7 of my children
9. Every moment is a blessing

This moment I claim Victory over all of this.....whether in the face of my miracle baby...or in my newfound peace...either way I win (insert na na na na na )

Hola ....Hiya....Hello

First of all, this may be a bit late into my infertility journey. But as I adere to the better late then never adage....here we go. My name is Heather, and I am an unexplained infertile. To which you say..."Hi Heather". Long story short, I have two lovely children with my husband of ten years, however after my son was born 9 weeks premature and very sick, at the wise age of 22 I was sterilized. Now before you react badly "down with the previously fertile and not truly infertile woman".....there is far more to this story. I had my tubes reattatched in June of 2008...and amazingly enough found out I was pregnant very quickly on Nov. 7th...only to loose that baby on Dec. 1st...Again we revisist a lovely BFP (big fat positive) beta hell commences...In March...gone...May...Gone.....Diagnostic Laproscopy..D&C.....BFP!!!...Gone. This past month we tried Clomid to increase the power of my ovulation....Ovridel to make sure that said super O happens..and lovely Progesterone supplementation in the form of Crinone...BFP!!...and so far holding.....In one week and ultrasound to find the gestational sac...and another week a heartbeat. Four miscarriages and two years of trying added with a medical backround and OCD...= many innane answers to questions too weird to ask. I am starting this blog to not only chronicle my journey...but to help someone find the voice I found far too late... because I asked the doctor far too quietly in the beginning to research what was causing my m/c's I specifically asked for the one test that came up wrong. Progesterone! Mine was 3.1 at 7 dpo...on a PREGNANT cycle...oi....now I am on Progesterone and my doubling time went from 36 hours to 27!! Which it never did before....No bleeding or spotting...this baby is sticking around darn it!! But I want to try to at least daily bits on what I have learned about this journey that too many of us dont know its too late.....or we're stuck in this wicked ttc cycle